Forbidden to Feel
by Sterlin
Summary: Cecila Thornbade returns to Hogwarts, after having sworn to never come back. Wen she reunites with Severus, she reveals to him why she's returned and forces him to come to terms with his past.
1. Homecoming

Title: Forbidden to Feel  
  
Author: Sterlin  
  
Archive: Please do ^_^ Just let me know where so I can check it out, if I haven't already  
  
Rating: PG-13 for language and situations  
  
Spoilers: None as far as I know  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Severus Snape or Albus Dumbledore, or any other Harry Potter characters or locations. I do however own Cecila - feel free to use her in any fanfictions, just ask my permission first and leave her in character.  
  
Warnings: This story has some adult-ish situations and language. Also, be forewarned - if you review, and flame me without criticizing me (i.e. saying WHY you don't like the story), I will hunt you down and tear your stories to pieces. Just a pleasant warning ^_^  
  
Summary: Cecila returns to Hogwarts.  
  
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Cecila cracked her neck with her hands, casting her smoldering gaze into the hallway. The cool stones sent shivers through her bare feet and hands, but silence was the only way to do this job.  
  
Under her breath, she cursed the Elders for giving her this job; this was the one place she'd never wanted to return to. -Hogwarts- her mind's voice hissed, and she felt the familiar twang of pain. It wasn't that she didn't love Hogwarts - she did, with all of her heart. It was some of the people Hogwarts that she didn't particularly care for.  
  
Suddenly her astral eye sensed movement behind her, and she backed into the shadows. The black cloaks swirling through the night halls caught her attention, and she snapped her head in that direction. Through the shadows she recognized him, and she instantly fought to keep the gasp in her throat down. Her eyes clouded for a moment, but the weakness passed as quickly as it struck her.  
  
"Who's there?" the man clothed in black asked, and Cecila held her breath in her throat.  
  
-That's him- she heard an elder's voice echo in her head, and her eyes took in the sight of his face.  
  
-You can't be serious-  
  
-We do not joke-  
  
-But.how? Why him?-  
  
-In time you will find out- the voice cut in, and Cecila quelled a sigh. -Good luck- the voice whispered, and Cecila rolled her eyes. The man's eyes peered through the darkness at her, and although she knew he couldn't see her she still held his gaze.  
  
With a grumble, the man turned and stalked swiftly down the hallway. Quick in pursuit, Cecila was forced to press against the shadows once more as he turned around again. "Oh this is pointless," she muttered to herself. Turning, she slid herself out of the window and disappeared into the night below.  
  
Seeing the movement, Severus was about to dart forward with a shout when he felt an elderly hand on his arm. Turning around, he saw the headmaster looking out of the window with a small smile.  
  
"Who was that?" Severus asked quietly, seeing the knowledge in the older wizards eyes. Dumbledore looked up at the potions master with a small smirk, before looking out of the window again.  
  
"Cecila Thornbade," he replied, and Severus had to steady himself against the wall. His heart beat quicker at the familiar name, combined with a flash of dread and a sudden physical pain.  
  
"The renegade witch? I thought she swore never to set foot in this place again," he said calmly, although he knew Dumbledore had seen his stumble. She had always had an edge of danger around her, and edge of - something more powerful that he was. Cecila had been his best student - as well as his worst nightmare.  
  
"Things have changed, Severus. Returning here was something she could no longer avoid. She is - needed here," the elderly wizard said, and Severus' expression turned dark.  
  
"What need have we for that trouble maker?" he asked coldly, and Dumbledore sighed slightly.  
  
"I do not know yet," was the response given, and Severus frowned in confusion. "I just know that she is needed here. She is more than she seems to be, Severus."  
  
"I doubt that she has changed that much, Headmaster," he replied coldly, and Dumbledore frowned. "If you'll excuse me, I must retire," Snape continued, starting to walk away.  
  
"She knows what you were," Dumbledore said to Severus' turned back, and the potions master paused in his step.  
  
"What do you mean?" Severus asked casually, innocently, and Dumbledore's gaze darkened slightly.  
  
"You know what I mean," Dumbledore said in a low voice, and Severus' lips tightened slightly.  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"It means that you are not always safe here."  
  
"You make me sound like the precious Potter child."  
  
"In a way, you two are similar," Dumbledore said, and Severus couldn't hide the sneer on his face.  
  
"We aren't alike in any way," he said in a deep voice. Dumbledore sighed with a shake of his head, turning away from the younger wizard.  
  
"We shall see," he replied, walking through the hallways towards his chamber. Severus stood silent for a few long moments, hearing the wind whistling through the trees outside. Turning towards his chamber, he hurried through the shadows into the darkness.  
  
  
  
A/N- So that's the first chapter! I've got most of the story written out, so hopefully I won't have to go back and change any of the chapters I post. Remember, reviews are always welcome! ^_^ I hope you liked it. Also, at the end of the story I'll put up a page of notes and credits and thank yous to all who review and have helped me write this. I love you all! =) 


	2. First Impressions

Title: Forbidden to Feel  
  
Author: Sterlin  
  
Archive: Please do ^_^ Just let me know where so I can check it out, if I haven't already  
  
Rating: PG-13 for language and situations  
  
Spoilers: None as far as I know  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Severus Snape or Albus Dumbledore, or any other Harry Potter characters or locations. I do however own Cecila - feel free to use her in any fanfictions, just ask my permission first and leave her in character.  
  
Warnings: This story has some adult-ish situations and language. Also, be forewarned - if you review, and flame me without criticizing me (i.e. saying WHY you don't like the story), I will hunt you down and tear your stories to pieces. Just a pleasant warning ^_^  
  
Summary: Severus dreams and remembers the first time that he saw Cecila **FLASHBACK**  
  
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Severus stood at the front of the classroom, gazing out at the Slytherin and Gryffindor first year students seated before him. The children were casting sideways, accusing glares at each other. Severus smirked to himself, thinking of how much he was going to enjoy torturing this class.  
  
"Welcome, to Potions class," Severus said slowly and deliberately, and each of the students fell silent. Their eyes turned towards him, and he thought he glimpsed shards of anxiety cutting through the Gryffindor student's eyes. "In this class - " he started, but he was cut as a tall, thin girl hurrying into the classroom.  
  
"Terribly sorry Professor - Snape," she paused to remember his name. As she hurried towards her seat with the Gryffindor's, she appeared to be ignoring the gasps and shocked stares she was receiving from her classmates. "I got quite lost on the way here," she explained as she pulled her long hair up into a ponytail and reached for her quill.  
  
"I'll have you know, Miss - Thornbade," Severus glanced at his attendance chart angrily, "that I've never had a first year student late to my class before."  
  
"Well, there's a first for everything," she muttered, and the class let out a collective gasp. Severus' eyes sparkled with rage, and his face contorted with the effort to appear calm.  
  
"Tell me, Cecila - have you ever failed a course before?" he hissed as he swooped towards her desk. She glanced up at last, and he saw the shimmer of fear in her eyes.  
  
"Erm - no," she stammered, furrowing her brow slightly.  
  
"Well, there's a first for everything isn't there?" he replied in a silky voice, and Cecila's eyebrows shot up.  
  
"Are - are you failing me?" she asked in a shocked voice, and Severus was surprised to see the fear in her eyes turn into anger.  
  
"No, not yet Miss Thornbade," he said in a deep voice. "But I assure you - if you so much as make a peep in my class, I will not only fail you, I will make your life a living hell," he growled. Her mouth fell open, ready to protest, but he raised a powerful hand to silence her. "Ah, ah - I said not a peep," Severus commanded, placing a slender finger under her chin and pushing her jaw shut. "Do you understand me?" he asked severely, pressing hard with his finger to keep Cecila from speaking. After a length pause, she gave her head a barely perceptible nod. "Good," Severus crooned, turning swiftly away from her and returning to the front of the classroom. Restarting his lesson, he cast a meaningful glare towards Cecila. She was grasping her quill tightly and glaring back at him furiously. As she gritted her teeth and began to take notes, Severus couldn't help but think that she would be the student to change everything for him.  
  
A/N - Oooo, Cecila pissed off Sev! And that's not the last time she'll do so either. Just a warning - from now on, it might switch off every other chapter of present and flashback, but I'll warn you in the intro of each chapter what's a flashback and what's not (being as it won't let me use italics for some reason, which is how I usually distinguish them). I hope you enjoyed this chapter! 


	3. Revelations

Title: Forbidden to Feel  
  
Author: Sterlin  
  
Archive: Please do ^_^ Just let me know where so I can check it out, if I haven't already  
  
Rating: PG-13 for language and situations  
  
Spoilers: None as far as I know  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Severus Snape or Albus Dumbledore, or any other Harry Potter characters or locations. I do however own Cecila - feel free to use her in any fanfictions, just ask my permission first and leave her in character.  
  
Warnings: This story has some adult-ish situations and language. Also, be forewarned - if you review, and flame me without criticizing me (i.e. saying WHY you don't like the story), I will hunt you down and tear your stories to pieces. Just a pleasant warning ^_^  
  
Summary: Cecila wakes up Severus, pisses him off again, and tells him why she's here.  
  
  
  
"Severus, Severus," a familiar condescending voice pulled him out of his dream, and Severus slowly opened his eyes. Seated at the end of his bed was Cecila, her red hair pulled up into a tight bun.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, sitting up quickly. Cecila just smiled at him crossing her legs and leaning back on her hands. "How did you get in here?" he continued, and Cecila snorted.  
  
"You leave your window open dumbass, although I would've gotten in even if you weren't so stupid," she retorted, and Severus' eyes widened in shock.  
  
"Shouldn't you be calling me Professor?" he asked coldly, climbing out of bed and walking away from her.  
  
"I stopped calling you Professor years ago, a long time before I left Hogwarts for good," she hissed.  
  
"Interesting job leaving for good," Severus commented dryly, and Cecila narrowed her eyes. "What are you doing here again anyway?" he asked again, and Cecila smiled her sarcastic smile.  
  
"Do you mean at Hogwarts or in your bedroom?"  
  
"Both."  
  
"I'm at Hogwarts because my job has taken me here again, and I guess you could say I'm in your bedroom for the same reason."  
  
"You must have one interesting job."  
  
"Only when it brings me to men's bedrooms," Cecila quipped, hopping off of the bed. Severus took a step backwards instinctively, and Cecila raised her eyebrows. "You aren't afraid of me, are you Serevus?" she asked teasingly, and Severus frowned deeply.  
  
"I'm about as afraid of you as I am of one of the first year students," he replied angrily.  
  
"Well those can be rather traumatizing if you ask me."  
  
"Did I ask you?" Severus countered darkly. Throwing his hands up in the air suddenly, he sent a smoldering glare towards Cecila. "WHY are you in my room?" he demanded, tired of arguing with her. "Why did you wake me up, why are you here - and why am I standing here in my nightclothes?" he muttered in defeat, hurrying to get changed. He heard Cecila start to follow him, and he turned around with a growl. "Go away," he demanded, and Cecila's eyes flashed.  
  
"If only I could," she hissed, taking five large steps backwards. "But you'll be glad I'm here - oh, you'll be very glad," she said with a shaky laugh.  
  
"Are you trying to intimidate me, Cecila Thornbade?" Severus demanded, his voice growing louder and dropping an octave lower. Cecila stood still, suddenly quiet with a vacant expression.  
  
"I could never do that, Professor, could I," she replied, pain evident in her voice. Severus glared at her cautiously, but she turned and fled the room before he could say another word.  
  
Blinking, Severus ran a hand through his long hair. "Now what was that all about?" he mused to himself, slipping into his robes. Thoughts of Cecila running through his head, he headed towards his classroom.  
  
"Serevus," Dumbledore called from down the hall, and without turning around Severus stopped walking. "I've been looking for you," the wizard said as he came up besides Severus, and the potion master turned to look at him. "I see Cecila paid you a little visit this morning," Dumbledore continued when Severus remained silent. "I think you should be nicer towards her," Dumbledore suggested, and Severus raised an eyebrow.  
  
"And why should I be nicer to somebody who invaded my room and woke me up?" Severus asked with hidden anger.  
  
"I don't think she had any intentions of waking you up, that was an accident," Dumbledore started slowly. "She was inspecting your bedroom."  
  
"For?"  
  
"Any signs of danger."  
  
"If there were any signs of danger, I'm sure I'd see them. And, why is she doing that to begin with?" Severus asked, and Dumbledore fell silent for a moment.  
  
"That, I think, she should reveal to you - not I," Dumbledore said at last. Severus looked at him silently, and Dumbledore put a hand on his elbow. "I will leave your past business with her out of my mind," he assured him quietly, and Severus' eyes narrowed slightly.  
  
"What business?" he asked coolly, and Dumbledore just shook his head.  
  
"I see you have put it out of your mind also. Very well," he said, and Severus turned away. "I'll see you later, Severus," Dumbledore said, walking away from him. Clenching his hands in frustration, Severus hurried into his classroom and slammed the door. The students jumped at the sound, some of them cowering in their seats - Severus in a fouler mood than usual was not a force to mess with.  
  
"Good morning," Severus started through clenched teeth. "Today -" he stopped suddenly as he spotted Cecila sitting in the back of the classroom. She gazed at him evenly, somehow dressed in students clothing. Trying to ignore her presence, Severus continued with his lecture under the gaze of the bewildered students.  
  
As soon as the class was over, the children hurried out of the classroom as if it was on fire. Severus sat behind his desk, his eyes following Cecila as she went to leave with the students. With a flick of his wand she stopped, frozen in place, and he lowered his hand. "Now where would you be going?" he asked her slowly, standing up. Able to move again, Cecila brushed herself off and turned to face him.  
  
"I'm tired, I'm going to sleep," she said casually, turning to head towards the doors again. Severus raised his wand, and a chair skittered across the floor into her path. Catching her foot, the chair sent her tumbling harshly to the ground. Kneeling down, Severus bent over her with an angry glare.  
  
"I don't think so," he murmured, and Cecila managed to maintain her stoic expression.  
  
"Who would've guessed, Severus Snape likes to be on top," she said flatly, a slight sneer crossing her face. His face contorting in rage, Severus raised his hand to hit her. "Don't - strike me," Cecila warned, catching his hand with her surprisingly strong fingers. "Stand up," she commanded, and Severus found himself standing against his own will. Once he was off of her, she climbed to her feet and stepped away from him.  
  
"What are you doing here?" he asked her furiously, and she raised an eyebrow in amusement.  
  
"Well seems to be the question of the day now, doesn't it?" she asked, pulling her wand out of a hidden pocket of her robes. "Do you really want to know?" she asked with a smirk, taunting him.  
  
"I suppose my constant questioning hasn't proved that already; perhaps you really are as slow as you were when you were a student," Severus said calmly.  
  
"I always thought I was your brightest student. And I was always more than a student, wasn't I?" Cecila countered in a dark voice, and Severus fell silent. "Now I'm more than just a student again."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You're a blind fool, do you know that?"  
  
"No, I wasn't aware."  
  
"That's because you're a blind fool."  
  
"That's getting old now," Severus whispered harshly. Cecila tilted her head slightly, and bending down she picked up the chair by its leg. Without a word, she flung it towards his head. Eyes widened, Severus raised his wand to smash it when it suddenly stopped a few feet from his head.  
  
"Lookie what I can do," Cecila said without emotion, her hand outstretched before her. With a flick of her wrist, the chair tumbled to the ground and splintered.  
  
"How - how are you able to do that? You were nowhere near that level when you graduated," Severus managed to hide the shaking in his voice, and Cecila sighed.  
  
"You never did have much faith in me, did you?" she said, and Severus didn't reply. Stepping closer to him, Cecila tilted her head upwards to look the older man in the eye. "There's a lot more to me than just a pretty face, you know," she crooned, nearly taunting him. Taken aback, Severus leaned away from her with an odd expression in his eyes. "But I guess you always just liked the pretty face," Cecila hissed, her expression turning bitter. "Your life is in my hands now."  
  
"What do you mean?" Severus stammered slightly, standing up straight again.  
  
"You're my charge."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm a protectress, Severus, and you have been placed under my care."  
  
"A protectress?"  
  
"Somebody didn't pay attention in school, did they? Well, since it doesn't pertain to the Dark Arts, I can see why you don't know about us," Cecila said. Stepping backwards, she looked out of the window. "I wouldn't have come back here by choice; and yes, it was just by coincidence that you are my charge, Professor, for I certainly did not ask for you," Cecila stressed the word Professor. "If I was not bound to this job, I would not protect you if my life depended on it," she spat, turning to walk out of the room.  
  
"Wait," Severus commanded, but Cecila did not stop. "Wait," he repeated, stronger this time. She stopped walking but would not turn around, feeling her throat tighten at his voice. "Cecila," he said, and she gritted her teeth together. "What happened between- " he started, but the expression on her face as she whirled around cut him short.  
  
"Nothing happened, Professor. Nothing worth remembering anyway," she muttered, turning and exiting the classroom before he could stop her. 


	4. Touch

Title: Forbidden to Feel  
  
Author: Sterlin  
  
Archive: Please do ^_^ Just let me know where so I can check it out, if I haven't already  
  
Rating: PG-13 for language and situations  
  
Spoilers: None as far as I know  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Severus Snape or Albus Dumbledore, or any other Harry Potter characters or locations. I do however own Cecila - feel free to use her in any fanfictions, just ask my permission first and leave her in character.  
  
Warnings: This story has some adult-ish situations and language. Also, be forewarned - if you review, and flame me without criticizing me (i.e. saying WHY you don't like the story), I will hunt you down and tear your stories to pieces. Just a pleasant warning ^_^  
  
Summary: Severus reads about what Cecila is, and she surprises him yet again.  
  
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Standing in shock for a moment after Cecila left the classroom, Severus closed his eyes and put his hands to his forehead. His thoughts were flying through his head, and it took a moment to settle them. Before he could do anything, he needed to head to his library - he needed to understand what she was now, and why she was here. His neck ached with a horrid tension that was spreading through his shoulders up towards his skull, and he rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. Hurrying down the hallway he hoped that Cecila wouldn't pop up again out of nowhere. He struggled to keep the emotions that threatened to boil over down, scanning the shelves for a book that would be useful. At length he pulled one out, and flipped through the pages, finally finding the desired one. He started to read, pausing every few sentences to reflect.  
  
  
  
Protectress  
  
The position of protectress cannot be taken, nor given, with the exception of blood descendent. A protectress can be any magickal being, but is most often a witch. Many of these are trained in normal schools of witchcraft and wizardry, and are unaware of their powers during these times. At their coming of age (age 20), they gain their powers and are told by the Elders who they are.  
  
Each protectress is initially assigned a simple task, to scale how powerful they are. This task may be as small as protecting a rabbit from being attacked for several days, to something larger, such as protecting a muggle throughout the day. The power each new protectress holds pertains to many different elements, including the power of her parents, the amount of pain she has endured in her young life, and the amount of fire in her heart.  
  
  
  
Severus stopped reading for a moment and glanced up, the last sentence running through his head. If she had really been assigned to him, they he assumed she was quiet powerful. Slowly he allowed himself to remember her stay at Hogwarts, and he could see where she had gotten her power. "She always had fire in her heart," he muttered, repressing a small chuckle as he picked up the book again.  
  
  
  
A protectress is born immortal.  
  
  
  
The sentence caused Severus to stop reading momentarily and stare at the page in shock, raising his eyebrows.  
  
  
  
In battles, she cannot be killed, and will heal extraordinarily rapidly if injured. Her physical self will continue to age like a mortal until the age of twenty-five; after that, she can age as slowly as she desires, if at all. This immortality, however, is conditional. The Elders are very critical of each protectress, and have very high standards.  
  
One of the most dangerous things for a protectress to do is fall in love. She is not incapable of love, for a certain amount of love and care is required for her to properly protect each charge. However, falling in love is considered to be a hazard to herself, to her job, and to the elders; it is seen as a weakness, something that will cause her to become bitter towards, and inattentive during her job.  
  
If a protectress falls in love, the Elders will find out - often times, even before the protectress herself is sure. Without a warning, they will take away her immortality and her power. Once this happens, she is expected to fall upon her blade; if she does not, she will be sent for and will suffer the death of a traitor.  
  
While this may sound harsh, it is common occurrence for a protectress. She is told by the elders who she shall marry, and then her job is to produce and raise new blood. If things were not the way they are, there would be far too little protectors and protectress'.  
  
  
  
Snape suddenly reached up to his lip, feeling blood trickling down. As he had been reading, he had unknowingly been biting harshly at his lip. Something danced on the edge of his memory, and he quickly wiped away the blood. For some reason he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickling, but he forced himself to read on.  
  
  
  
A protectress has many abilities to aid in her job. Along with extremely heightened senses, she has complete use of her astral senses. She is able to pick up on any possibly harmful situations, creatures, or even thoughts towards her charge -  
  
  
  
Severus was unable to read anymore. He had the uneasy feeling that he was being watched. Pushing some offending strands of hair out of his eyes, he glanced up and around briefly. Unable to shake the feeling, he stood up to put the book away.  
  
"Interesting read, Severus?" Cecila's voice sounded from above him, and with a start Severus looked up.  
  
"Why, pray tell, are you sitting on top of my book case?" he asked her harshly, and she shrugged in response. Indeed, she was sitting on top of his book case; cross legged, in sweat pants.  
  
"I couldn't sleep," she responded lightly. The angry glint appeared to have disappeared out of her eyes. "By the way," she started as she read his thoughts, "the surplus of 'Forgetfulness' potions you have in your classroom has really served me well." Her words sounded slightly slurred, and he concluded she must have taken the potions recently.  
  
"Did I give you permission to use my potions?" he asked crossly, and she just shrugged.  
  
"Does it seem like I care?" she sighed, rubbing her neck with the back of her hand. Severus raised an eyebrow slightly and tilted his head, staring up at her.  
  
"Now that's the attitude to take when my life is in grave danger," Severus mocked her. Before he could react she was down on the ground in front of him, her flaming green eyes inches away from his.  
  
"I will take whatever attitude I please," she growled, but Severus refused to be intimidated.  
  
"And the Elders allow you to speak to your charges like this?"  
  
"The Elders are not fond of protecting one with the Dark Mark - you are lucky to be an exception," she hissed, and for a second she saw his expression waver before it turned cold again.  
  
"I am lucky? I am lucky to be followed around, spied upon by a former student?" he asked her. Before he had finished, he felt the cold steel on his throat and he swallowed deeply.  
  
"You are lucky that I value my job and my life, or I would take yours for what you did to me," she whispered harshly. Severus blinked and gazed down into her eyes, his head tilted back slightly. Cecila remained still for a moment, before pulling the knife away.  
  
"I did not know I hurt you that badly," Severus said in a low voice, and Cecila snorted harshly.  
  
"You did not know anything," she murmured in reply, the flame in her eyes still there. Severus watched her silently as she turned to leave, the tension between his shoulders stretching towards his neck. He saw Cecila pause in her step, frowning. "Damn you," she swore as she turned back around.  
  
"Excuse me?" Severus raised an eyebrow as Cecila approached him again.  
  
"Sit down," she commanded strongly.  
  
"I most certainly will not," Severus replied, and Cecila sighed. With a frown, she placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed down sharply. To his surprise, Severus' knees buckled beneath the sudden pressure and he collapsed into the chair.  
  
"Be glad I didn't break your knees instead," Cecila glared at him, walking behind him.  
  
"What are you doing?" Severus asked, trying to keep the note of alarm out of his voice.  
  
"The tension in your back causes you pain," Cecila explained. "I feel all of your pain, and I would like to be able to rest sound tonight thank you very much."  
  
"Then I suppose I shouldn't be frightened by your threats of broken bones."  
  
"Oh no, you should. Sudden pain like that will ease itself rather quickly in my body," she crooned into his ear. Severus jumped as she suddenly placed her hands onto his shoulders, under his robes, and the tension increased. "Oh, for the love of Merlin, Severus," she snapped.  
  
"I apologize if your touch makes me uncomfortable."  
  
"Is my touch different than most?"  
  
Severus fell silent as her hands began to knead the muscles. Cecila felt the pain flowing from his back and through her fingers. Trying to ground it, she flared her nostrils at the effort. "You have an extreme amount of pain, Severus," she said quietly, feeling the stinging on her own left forearm.  
  
"You sound surprised," he replied, and she was alarmed to hear the flatness in his voice. "So, why would the pain ease quicker in your body?" Severus inquired, and Cecila cleared her throat at the change of subject.  
  
"Had you continued to read, you would've learned how my wounds and pain heals and disappears moments after it's received. This - this pain in your back would've followed me, because it is so constant," Cecila finished quietly, her fingers working out a knot.  
  
"So you feel - all of my pain?"  
  
"I've managed to successfully block out a large amount," she murmured. "Even I would not be able to function with that amount of pain," Severus could hear the slight note of respect in her voice. "You'd be dead by now if I tried," Cecila finished, and he rolled his eyes.  
  
"How incredibly comforting," he responded, blinking as Cecila pulled her fingers away from his shoulders. His skin suddenly felt icy cold, deprived of the warmth of her touch.  
  
"Try now," Cecila suggested as she stood up, and Severus raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Move your shoulders," Cecila snapped, biting off a harsh name at the end of the sentence. Severus narrowed his eyes at her but tried rotating his shoulder blades. To his surprise, the pain and tension that he had felt there for the past few hours had completely disappeared.  
  
"It's gone," he commented as he glanced up. Not seeing Cecila, he looked around and caught a glimpse of her disappearing out the door. Setting his expression, he closed his eyes and leaned against the chair, settling into a deep sleep. 


	5. Fearless

Title: Forbidden to Feel  
  
Author: Sterlin  
  
Archive: Please do ^_^ Just let me know where so I can check it out, if I haven't already  
  
Rating: PG-13 for language and situations  
  
Spoilers: None as far as I know  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Severus Snape or Albus Dumbledore, or any other Harry Potter characters or locations. I do however own Cecila - feel free to use her in any fanfictions, just ask my permission first and leave her in character.  
  
Warnings: This story has some adult-ish situations and language. Also, be forewarned - if you review, and flame me without criticizing me (i.e. saying WHY you don't like the story), I will hunt you down and tear your stories to pieces. Just a pleasant warning ^_^  
  
Summary: Severus has another dream in which he remembers a detention Cecila served with him. **FLASHBACK**  
  
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"Now remember - you're not to leave until this floor is clean," Severus commanded, but Cecila didn't respond. His dark eyes watched her as she scrubbed dutifully, intrigued by the undying spirit within her. "Really Miss Thornbade, this must be your fiftieth detention with me," Severus said lazily, leaning back in his chair. The third year student glared up at him, not responding as she scrubbed the floor. "One might think you were fond of me," he raised an eyebrow mockingly, and she couldn't help but snort. Severus narrowed his eyes, but did not take action. "Or perhaps you're fond of losing points for the Gryffindor house," he suggested, and Cecila frowned.  
  
"No, that's your pastime, not mine," she retorted. Severus raised his eyebrows, and she saw the now familiar sparkle of rage appear in them.  
  
"Watch your tongue," he snapped, and Cecila looked towards the ground again. "You refuse to just behave, don't you?" he asked. Cecila didn't respond, but stopped scrubbing for a moment with a sigh. "Although I must admit, you make my classes more - interesting," Severus said with a small gesture. "After all, nobody else can perfect their potions the way you can."  
  
"That's because I'm a - hmm, what did you call me? Oh that's right - a silly, know-it-all brat," Cecila growled sarcastically. Severus stood up and walked over to where she was kneeling, and instantly Cecila mentally kicked herself.  
  
"I believe I just gave you a compliment, Miss Thornbade," Severus hissed.  
  
"Really, I couldn't tell," she muttered. "I guess I'm just used to hearing insults come from your mouth," she continued. "I -" she started, but stopped with a slight shriek as Severus sent the water bucket flying and smashing against the wall with a powerful kick. Trembling, Cecila fell over backwards and backed against the desk.  
  
"Come here," Severus roared, and Cecila stood up slowly. Gathering up her courage, she walked over and stared up at him. "Why must you always talk back to me?" he demanded furiously, his hands shaking with anger.  
  
"Because I'm not afraid of you," Cecila whispered harshly, causing Severus to fall into a stunned silence. "You may frighten my classmates, you may even terrify them, but I refuse to let you control my life," she hissed. Severus stared at her in shock for a few long moments, watching the defiance grow on her face.  
  
"You would have done well in Slytherin," he said at length, and Cecila blinked in confusion. "That was a compliment, if you need it spelled out for you," Severus snapped irritably, but Cecila shook her head. "You may go," he said with a wave of his hand, and Cecila raised an eyebrow. "Go, get out, you're detentions over," Severus continued as the young girl turned and walked back to her brush. Without speaking to him, she pointed her wand and fixed the water bucket. Dipping her brush back into it, she continued scrubbing. "What are you doing?" he cried in frustration, and Cecila looked up at him defiantly.  
  
"The floor's not clean," she responded simply, returning her attention to the cold stone. Severus stared at her in shocked amusement, settling back in his chair.  
  
"It does not need to be," he replied, and Cecila glanced up at him.  
  
"You said - "  
  
"I say many things. Frankly, I want to retire to my chambers, and I cannot do so with you scrubbing frog guts off of the floor."  
  
"So that's what that is," Cecila commented, staring at the stains with newfound interest. Severus bit his lip to retain an amused smirk.  
  
"I will see you in class, Miss Thornbade," he said pointedly, and she tossed the brush into the bucket.  
  
"Right. See you, Professor," she replied, heading towards the door.  
  
"Oh, and Cecila?" he called, and she turned around with raised eyebrows.  
  
"Yes, Severus?" she responded in amusement, but his sudden glare quelled her humor. "Er, sorry - Professor."  
  
"That's better," Severus nodded. "Do not expect me to be any easier on you in class, just because I gave you the rare compliment," he said, and she tilted her head.  
  
"I never expected you to do that. I hope you don't expect me to suddenly act frightened of you, either," she replied.  
  
"Now why would you do that?" Severus asked dryly. Cecila narrowed her eyes at him slightly, before turning and leaving. Severus looked after her in amusement, intrigued once again by her attitude and spirit - 


	6. Immunity

Title: Forbidden to Feel  
  
Author: Sterlin  
  
Archive: Please do ^_^ Just let me know where so I can check it out, if I haven't already  
  
Rating: PG-13 for language and situations  
  
Spoilers: None as far as I know  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Severus Snape or Albus Dumbledore, or any other Harry Potter characters or locations. I do however own Cecila - feel free to use her in any fanfictions, just ask my permission first and leave her in character.  
  
Warnings: This story has some adult-ish situations and language. Also, be forewarned - if you review, and flame me without criticizing me (i.e. saying WHY you don't like the story), I will hunt you down and tear your stories to pieces. Just a pleasant warning ^_^  
  
Summary: The first attack.  
  
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A thud and a crash startled Severus out of his dream, sending him flying to his feet. The room was oddly dark, darker than he remembered it being. Reaching for his wand, he pointed it carefully in front of him. A shadowed figure was crumpled on the ground before him, struggling to get up.  
  
"Cecila?" he called to it apprehensively as it clambered to it's feet. The low growl he got in response was his answer, and he opened his mouth to say the 'Solarium' spell in order to see what he was fighting.  
  
"Heads up Professor," Cecila's voice sounded from behind him, and he started and whirled around. Severus ducked just in time to feel something whiz over his head. The creature's growl was cut short; it swayed and fell to the ground with a thud. "Candelaluxium," Cecila commanded, and the room filled with light as the torches burst back into flame.  
  
Severus squinted slightly as the bombardment of light filled his vision, but nothing could block the sight of the fallen werewolf before him. Raising an eyebrow, he watched as Cecila calmly walked forwards and yanked the bloodied arrow from it's forehead.  
  
"You know, you nearly sent that thing through my skull," Severus commented after swallowing deeply, and Cecila just shrugged.  
  
"I told you 'heads up', didn't I?"  
  
"As if I'm supposed to know what that muggle phrase means. You should be glad I didn't actually put my head up."  
  
"Oh, shut up Severus," Cecila snapped, visibly in a very irritable mood. "Better an arrow through your head than a werewolf's teeth around your neck," she muttered as she cleaned the blood off of her arrow. "Those things sting," she sighed, glancing down at her forearm. Severus' eyes followed her gaze, and he looked just in time to see the wound finish closing itself up.  
  
"How did you get that?" he asked, and Cecila snorted.  
  
"I fell down the stairs," she deadpanned, and he looked up in surprise. "The damn thing bit me, what do you think happened?" she growled angrily, kicking the body of the monster. Severus suddenly strode over to her, grabbing her arm. "What in the hell do you think you're doing?" she snapped, wrenching her arm out of his grasp.  
  
"It bit you - that means - "  
  
"It means nothing," Cecila cut him off. Severus fell silent and gazed out at her through dark eyes, and she looked away to ignore the worry she saw in them. "I'm immune to it," she muttered.  
  
"You should have let me handle it."  
  
"Oh yeah, you were doing a good job fighting for a life - sleeping like a baby, you were. Pathetic."  
  
"Once I woke up - "  
  
"You would've been dead long before you woke up," Cecila sighed. "Or, maybe just severely injured so that you would heal and become a werewolf. One of those two options," she said with a hint of amusement. Severus tilted his head slightly, his expression cold but quiet.  
  
"Perhaps - you could explain this for me," Severus started slowly, taking on the tone he used in class. "Why was this creature coming to slaughter me?" he asked in an almost amused tone. "I don't suppose it's Reamus, is it?" he asked with a smirk. Cecila glared at him coldly, causing the smirk to fade.  
  
"No, although I know you wish it was," she spat angrily. "The werewolf was sent to kill you by someone who wants you dead."  
  
"Well, I thought that would have been obvious."  
  
"Who can you think of that wants you dead?"  
  
"I - I can think of a few, I'm not sure who sent this though."  
  
"Really? I thought it would have been obvious," Cecila repeated, and he narrowed his eyes at her. Before he could respond, however, she had turned on her heel and was walking towards the door.  
  
"Where are you going?" he asked her, and she glanced over her shoulder briefly.  
  
"To get my stuff. I'm staying in here if you intend to sleep through every attack."  
  
"There's going to be more?"  
  
"Yeah, and look at me jumping for joy," she rolled her eyes as she disappeared into the hallway. Severus watched her disappear, knowing that she'd return in just a few moments. Collapsing into his seat, he sighed and rubbed his forehand with his fingers.  
  
"I'm getting too old to do this," he muttered to himself, his gaze falling upon the werewolf on the floor before him. Strands of his dream pushed its way into his mind, and he closed his eyes to shove them away. "Abolescere," he said quietly, and a golden light flowed from his wand and encircled the monster; within moments, the body faded away.  
  
"I see you've done the dirty work for me," Cecila said as she stormed back in the room, her belongings floating in the air behind her. Severus jumped as she slammed the door open and dropped her stuff to the ground with a loud thud.  
  
"I would've thought doing the killing would be considered the dirty work," Severus replied flatly, and Cecila snorted without looking up. Conjuring up a nice sized cot in the corner of his living quarters, she shook her head.  
  
"Hardly; I've done a lot of that in the past few years," she said, her voice growing softer. She paused in her work and glanced up momentarily, seeing Severus staring at the floor. "You okay?" she asked, and he looked up at her with a start.  
  
"I'm fine," he replied shortly, and Cecila straightened up. Her keen gaze remained on his face, which was cold and silent. "What?" he snapped, and she tilted her head.  
  
"You're not okay," she observed softly, and Severus scowled. Dropping his gaze again, he lapsed into silence. "It frightened you, didn't it," Cecila asked, but he didn't respond in any way. "You're not accustomed to fear - "  
  
"I only fear one thing," Severus said angrily, and Cecila raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Me?"  
  
"You wish."  
  
"Hey, I can be quite frightening," Cecila protested lightly, sitting down on her cot. Severus just shook his head, rubbing his forehead with one hand. After a pause, Cecila stood up slowly and strode over to him. "You know who sent that werewolf, don't you," she said quietly. When Severus didn't respond, she kneeled down in front of him. "Listen," she said. "Listen," she repeated louder when he didn't look up. When he glanced up and met her gaze, she sighed and continued. "We may not be on the best terms," she started, ignoring his snort, "but I'm not going to let him kill you," she said.  
  
"That's easier said than done," Severus replied flatly, and Cecila frowned.  
  
"You just have to have faith in me."  
  
"Once again, easier said than done."  
  
"When have I ever hurt you?" Cecila demanded, a twinge of sadness in her voice. Severus closed his eyes again, feeling himself slipping away from his cold façade.  
  
"If you don't know then it's not worth bringing up," he snapped, drawing up the walls again. Cecila blinked in surprise, but stood up and walked back towards her cot.  
  
"Good night, Severus," she said coldly, settling down under the covers. Severus watched her quietly for a few long moments, before letting out his breath in a frustrated sigh. Stalking over to a cabinet, he searched through a large collection of potions before pulling out a cold green bottle.  
  
"Well if she can abuse my Forgetfulness potions, then I might as well indulge myself with a Remembrance potion," he muttered to himself. Something inside of him cried out, begging him not to use it, but he knew he would be better off if he remembered everything. "Show me Cecila," he whispered, staring at the amber liquid. Pausing only briefly, he uncorked the bottle and took a swig. 


	7. Shadows of the Past

Alright.before I get flamed to high heavens, I will state this: I have not read the books. I know, that's virtually grounds for death, but I have not had the time nor energy to cmmit myself to such a massive reading - hopefully over winter vacation I will be able to knock them all off.  
  
So why am I writing this? Cause it struck me. And when a story strikes me, resistance is futile; I will write it even if it kills me. Part of me doesn't want to be writing this because I just have so much to do, but hey it sort of came out of my fingers so don't blame me! Anywho if I screw up something in the book, please don't flame me because I haven't had the time to do the hours of research I'd usually do.  
  
And also: I don't own any of these chracters, except for Cecila and the Elders. They all belong to J.K. Rowling. I can only wish I owned them.  
  
Enjoy! 


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